a turkey on thanksgiving

So, these ideals of "thanks giving" actually hit home with me pretty well, even if the history (& occasional images) behind the whole holiday is/are distasteful and disturbing. Appreciating what you have - I can't help wondering if that's because I have less or more than others. Maybe because I've been on both sides of things. I'd say financially I'm way up, globally speaking. I feel more than a bit family poor, and that's regardless of whether I'd try to be around them or not: here drowning in bittersweet melancholy and romanticized hope, there abused and angry. It would be really nice to break into clean, clear reality, like the cool wind hitting my face as the sun warms my body on a great day. I wish I always had the happiness I feel rushing through my heart when I'm out on my bike on a day like that.

Anyway, today as a treat to myself I didn't sleep in too late, made myself a yummy, healthy breakfast, listened to two of my newest, favorite albums, watched a silly, sexy, romantic movie, and, when I realized "I'm so jaded!" said it, laughed at it, said it louder, laughed again and kind of danced like the lovely silly goof I know I can be when I've got me all alone. I was just about to go out for a bike ride, but when I finally went out to bring in the last of the plants, realized it has become incredibly cold outside. Well, maybe I'll bundle up and go for a while anyway. I'm pretty much just talking to myself at this point.

The point in sitting down to write today was to remember that I made the best I could of what might otherwise have been a pretty crappy day, and I feel pretty happy about things overall, so - yeah - shut up and smile. :)

Obligatory update

I've been feeling things lately, a certain cohesion and momentum, though occasional anxiety, and things are going really pretty well while I'm realizing I can't be 'perfect' but just doing my best and being far more present. I think really explaining all of what I'm feeling and going through right now is kind of beyond words at the moment; I'm really so in the middle of it all. I think there may be a turning point coming up some point soon, or at least I know I'm looking forward to breathing at the end of this semester. I have taken the time to build a social life I like, and my confidence, self-comfort, and trust in humanity has grown because of it, so thank you all my new friends out there - I love you! I'm constantly having to rededicate myself to school, so it's always an upcoming struggle, but I can tell I'm committed (and it shows). Work is more complicated, but I'm proving myself to be competent in whatever I do (or needs to be done). I'll probably start looking for another campus/student job soon as a way to move beyond Katie and into more areas of interest, but I know I will miss miss miss the plants. Glad I've got my own little tribe of plants around me. Maybe even if I don't get this insect job, I should start keeping insects. Goodness knows breeding crickets here would be helpful and save me a lot of hassle and money all the time, but I'd rather keep something like the hissing cockroaches Ben used to have or preying mantis or caterpillars - just something interesting.

Anyway - beginning to ramble on, but I felt this period of time shouldn't go undocumented in some way, even if it's only as a learning tool to jog my memory. So, it's 10pm; it's been a busy weekend and is going to be an even busier week. Time to hit the sack.

Good night.