I just got off the phone from talking with my Dad, then Butch Holsey, then Lukas. Wow. That is a lot of intense familial contact in one session. I spent over an hour on the phone. It was fantastic.
Talking with my Dad was a bit stinted. He has his jargon, and that's pretty much how he speaks anymore. It sucks, but there were moments where is was just me talking to my Dad, albeit estranged. I was really glad to be able to tell him I'm doing so well. He seems to have a pattern going that works for him, something I'd probably call a rut, but if he's happy then I'm happy for him. What I wonder about, though is if he's really happy, or if he even really knows what that is anymore.
Butch, sort of my surrogate dad from forever ago, is in town with his new wife for some old friends of the family (The Blivens) 50th wedding anniversary. We've had a special bond since I was a tiny little girl, and he loves me. It was fantastic hearing all the things I wish my dad had said coming out of his mouth, things like "as long as you're safe and happy." He talked about his culture (growing up black & in the south) and how that influences his thinking about family, and now I think I know where I got so many of my values. He lives in California, we exchanged numbers, and he told me if I ever needed anything to call him. Even if sometimes it feels like "what could we possibly have in common anymore?" it's amazing to know there is someone out there willing to cross that chasm consistently over and over again. There is a picture on the Sunflower House snack kitchen fridge door that I drew one night that I was nearly too drunk to remember having drawn it, and it is of Butch's face. What a positively fantastic person.
Lukas (my nephew) came in while I was on the phone with Butch, so I got to talk to him for a while. He speaks a little strangely and stilted, but I'll give you a few guesses where that comes from. He opened up to me about a falling out with his mom (my sister, who I also happen to have a falling out with at the moment). I think I said things I'm proud of with reference to that, both validating his feelings, not disrespecting his mother, but being realistic, and understanding that this whole thing could be made up. Lukas has been known to do that. I got his number again (I lost it in the last phone smashing) and promised to call tomorrow to see about his coming to stay here over some break.
So, wow, I reconnected with some family. I'm kind of glad my mom wasn't there. I would have been too tempted to talk to her, and she is really the hardest to talk to with out unhealthy patterns cropping up. Maybe I'll try talking to dad again sometime, but I doubt he'll ever be able to talk like Butch does, so I'm glad I talked with Butch.
That's about it. It'll be a while before I've gotten enough space and perspective to know if there's anything else I think about all this.
Oh! And by the way - I've pretty much quit my therapist. She wasn't helping out much anyway. Yahoo!
