This last semester wasn't the greatest, and a lot of things might have contributed to that. I'm mostly focusing on having a good summer and getting back on track this fall. That might involve going only 3/4 time, but we'll see. Need to schedule an appointment with my advisor sooner than later.
Anyway, I started seeing a few people about 3 months ago. A guy who I haven't seen nearly as often as I feel I should have (would like to?) and a girl who has nearly monopolized my time and, I feel, created an environment where I'm reverting to bad habits, or at least not growing like I want to.
I guess I just expect a relationship to be more helpful than destructive, at least now (not sure I've always had this conviction) - partners walking along together, supportive but not enabling. So, I'm on the verge of breaking up with her. But she feels a lot for me, the sex is great, and I can't help caring about her (I mean, seriously, she's been in my bed... & head), so it's difficult. I guess I've just never really broken up with anybody (there was that guy in high school, but it was too weird to count) and I can't help feeling like it's a mean, complete rejection of the person rather than a statement of need to grow (personal boundaries). & really, I don't want the great sex & cuddling to stop.
I could definitely do without the rest of the drama, though.
...and there's fear related to - will I ever find somebody else? There's less of that nowadays, though. Both in terms of "of course somebody else will come along" & "y'know, I think I'd rather be alone than under that kind of relationship pressure... & I'd be fine, even happy." Guess I've just got to negotiate the terms of this break-up. Thank goodness there's still Jack who, while maybe not everything I want, is better at respecting me as a separate individual.
Okay. that's really all right now.
